{"id":32848,"date":"2020-03-27T10:02:14","date_gmt":"2020-03-27T14:02:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/?p=32848"},"modified":"2020-08-14T04:54:10","modified_gmt":"2020-08-14T08:54:10","slug":"yes-im-mad-but-im-getting-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/yes-im-mad-but-im-getting-better\/","title":{"rendered":"Yes, I’m mad. But I’m getting better."},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.22″ custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”2px|0px|8px|0px”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Featured Image caption” _builder_version=”4.4.1″ text_font=”|600|||||||” text_font_size=”12px” text_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” text_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” text_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” link_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” link_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” link_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” ul_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ul_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ul_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” ol_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ol_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ol_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” quote_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” quote_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” quote_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_2_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_2_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_2_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_3_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_3_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_3_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_4_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_4_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_4_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_5_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_5_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_5_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_6_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_6_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_6_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” box_shadow_horizontal_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_tablet=”0px”]Two of my cats sit near the front steps of my burned home.
\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.22″ custom_padding=”2px|0px|37.9062px|0px”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_margin=”10px|||” custom_padding=”0px|0px|18.9531px|0px”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”News Story” _builder_version=”4.4.1″ custom_margin=”0px||0px|” text_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” text_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” text_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” link_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” link_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” link_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” ul_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ul_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ul_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” ol_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ol_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ol_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” quote_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” quote_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” quote_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_2_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_2_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_2_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_3_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_3_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_3_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_4_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_4_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_4_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_5_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_5_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_5_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_6_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_6_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_6_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” box_shadow_horizontal_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_tablet=”0px”]FOUNTAIN INN, S.C.<\/strong> \u2013 I know this global pandemic isn\u2019t about me \u2013 but, damn, does it feel personal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In December, the dilapidated double-wide trailer I had called home for 21 years burned down. My mother and I had never had much, but, suddenly, all we did have<\/span> turned to ash because of an electrical fire. Shortly after, my grandmother \u2013 the only surviving grandparent I had \u2013 fell ill with lung cancer. She passed away last month, peacefully and in her bed, with no knowledge of the worldwide panic that was beginning to brew.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Now, the internal chaos I have felt for months is matched by the rest of the world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Honestly, I have been angry for months. I am mad for our country. I am mad for 7.5 billion people whose lives have been utterly upended by this crisis.\u00a0I am angry because I feel so angry about my own circumstances.<\/span><\/p>\n

I feel selfish for my anger because while people are dying from COVID-19 complications, I am young and healthy. My mother, at 62 years old with Type 2 diabetes and respiratory issues, is at risk but taking the necessary precautions to ensure she gets through this. She is cautious, anxious \u2013 as she should be. As we all should be.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Reconciling these two feelings of selfishness and anger,<\/span> I now realize that both can rightfully ring true. I am allowed to be angry that COVID-19 has stolen my final months as a University of South Carolina student.\u00a0 I am allowed to be angry as I watch my peers return to healthy families in warm homes as I bounce around to find reliable Internet access.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I am even allowed to grieve for the people hurting across the world, right now, which has allowed me to finally grieve my losses.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In a completely unexpected turn of events, COVID-19 has forced me to return to my hometown and confront\u00a0the sparse remnants of my home, a sight I had been trying my best to avoid since December.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I finally stepped onto the brick steps that once led to my front door, I cried. I cried for a long time \u2013 for my home, for my mother and the world – and I finally felt myself softening, revisiting the person I was before my life made me so angry.<\/span>
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As the country battles with the new challenges brought by COVID-19, I am also learning how to deal with personal struggles. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":258,"featured_media":33203,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"

Let me start by saying that I know this global pandemic isn\u2019t about me \u2013 but, damn, does it feel personal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

At a time I most need the comfort and presence of others, we are told to self-isolate, to physically avoid one another as much as possible in an attempt to eschew contagion. Because of this, COVID-19 has risen to the forefront of our minds and earned its place in almost every headline. While there is never a good time for something like this, it has come at an especially unfortunate period in my life.<\/span><\/p>

Last December, the dilapidated double-wide trailer I had called home for 21 years burned down due to an electrical fire. My mother and I had never had much, but suddenly, all we did turned to ash. Shortly after, my grandmother fell ill with lung cancer. She passed away last month, peacefully and in her bed, with no knowledge of the worldwide panic that was beginning to brew. Now, the internal chaos I have felt for months is matched by the rest of the world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Honestly, I have been mad for months, and I suddenly have even more reason to be mad. I am mad for our country, and I am mad for 7.5 billion people whose lives have been utterly upended by this crisis. I feel selfish for my anger because while people are dying from COVID-19 complications, I am young and healthy. My mother, at 62 years old with Type 2 diabetes and respiratory issues, is at risk; however, she has been taking the necessary precautions to ensure she gets through this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

SOMETHING ABOUT HOW I FEEL BAD ABOUT BEING SELFISH AND FOCUSING ON HOW MUCH MY LIFE SUCKS WHEN PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY DYING<\/b><\/p>

And while I have been trying to reconcile these two ideas, I have realized that both can ring true. I am allowed to be angry that COVID-19 has stolen my final months as a University of South Carolina student, as is the case with many students across the country and the world. I am also allowed to be angry as I watch my peers return to healthy families in warm homes as I bounce around to find reliable Internet access. I am also allowed to grieve for the people hurting across the world right now, which has allowed me to finally grieve my own losses, too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

When my house burned, people would ask me how I kept moving along. \u201cOh, I would just collapse on the floor and never get up if that happened to me,\u201d one person said. I was called strong, dedicated and \u2013 my least favorite \u2013 brave. I have now realized that I was able to continue life as I knew it not because I was strong; rather, I just thought being angry was nobler than allowing myself to grieve. Whenever sadness bubbled inside of me, I would replace it with the fire of anger. And that gave me the illusion of strength.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

COVID-19 has forced me to return to my hometown and look at the sparse remnants of my once-home. When I finally stepped on top of the brick steps that once led to my front door, I cried. I cried for a long time \u2013 for my home, for my mother and for the world \u2013 and I finally felt myself softening up, revisiting the person I was before my life made me so angry.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[1706],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32848"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/258"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32848"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32848\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36096,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32848\/revisions\/36096"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/33203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolinanewsandreporter.cic.sc.edu\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}